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Silver Cross Mother opens up about sons death in Afghanistan

“Remembrance Day for me and our family is the hardest day because the focus is on remembering that he is dead and what he’s done,” Stock said. “It’s a day to remember our fallen and to remember Stephan our son. I think it’s important that people remember— They’re gone but not forgotten.”

COCHRANE— The Silver Cross is a medal no family hopes to receive.

The medal, also known as the Memorial Cross, is awarded to the mother, widow, widower or next of kin of a Canadian Forces member killed in action.

Leona Stock received the medal when her son Sapper Stephan Stock was killed in action while serving in Afghanistan in 2008.

Being a silver cross mother “is an honour you really don’t want,” Stock said.

Receiving the title of a silver cross mother comes with the honour of laying the wreath in memory of sons and daughters lost in conflict on Remembrance Day.

“I do it for Stephan plus all the other mothers that have lost a child in the army, in the forces,” Stock said. “It means a lot.”

Stephan was destined to join the military.

When he was in Grade 12 they lived in Tsawwassen, B.C. During a career day the army came in to speak with students and offered a week where students could visit combat engineers in Chilliwack and find out what life in the army was like.

“After he came back from that he was sold,” Stock said. 

Stephan initially joined the reserves in Jericho, Vancouver and later switched to the Southern Alberta Light Horse regiment in Medicine Hat.

“He loved it,” Stock said. 

One of his favourite memories was of a training exercise where he had the opportunity to bushwhack through the forest. He shared a video with her, Stock said, and she could just hear him laughing having a great time on a one-of-a-kind adventure.

“He was having the time of his life,” Stock said.

Stephan was compelled to join the military because he enjoyed the physical challenge of the job.

“They were building things, doing scuba diving, just everything— He was very physical going to gym all the time,” Stock said. “He was a very social guy … He really relished his friends, trusted them and did what he could for them.”

Stephan made great friends in the army, she said, spending many hours sitting and chatting with comrades developing deep bonds of comradery.

Stephan attended post-secondary in Medicine Hat and became a power engineer. He had a desk job for about eight months, but craved the challenge of serving in the military.

She talked with her son before his deployment asking if he was “scared of dying.” At the time Stephan was working in the oil patch and said some of the work in Northern Alberta was more dangerous than the service he would be doing in Afghanistan as a peacekeeper. 

In 2005 he joined the regular army as a combat engineer based in Edmonton and he was later deployed to Afghanistan underneath the banner of the 12 Field Squadron, 1 Combat Engineer Regiment, in February 2008.

Describing the life of a combat engineer in the military, Stock said, “they’re the first in and the last out.” 

Stephan's main job in Afghanistan was locating and diffusing IEDs and he helped train the Afghanistan army on the same task.

It was an exciting experience, she said, because he was able to make a difference abroad.

Stephan would often comment on the positive changes he saw in Afghanistan while he was serving.

“He was feeling really good, the changes that he could see at the base in Kandahar ...  He said, ‘They’re making a difference— Girls are getting to school,” Stock said. “He felt that they were doing a good job of helping the Afghanistan people.”

During his tour, Stephan was able to take a leave and visited family in Ireland to celebrate his 25th birthday on June 3, 2008. 

Stephan soon returned to active duty and was ultimately killed on Aug. 20, 2008.

“Just one more month and he would have been home,” she said.

Stephan was killed while working on the Dahla Dam project after a roadside bomb was detonated near the light armoured vehicle he was travelling in— Sgt. Shawn Eades and Cpl. Dustin Roy Robert Joseph Wasden also died in the attack.

“I think about him every day, that part never goes away,” Stock said with tears in her eyes. “You learn to live with it and I mean it’s 12 years and I still get very emotional— It’s very hard.”

Stock had the opportunity to visit Kandhar after the death of her son for Remembrance Day in 2009.

The trip was one of catharsis because she could see where her son served and eventually died.

“That was one of the biggest healing things for us, just to see where it was,” Stock said. “A lot of people couldn’t understand why we were going.”

One of her most striking memories of the trip was witnessing a boardwalk in Kandahar on a Saturday where merchants were able to sell their wares openly. The marketplace was just starting to take root when Stephan arrived in Afghanistan and it demonstrated the positive changes taking place in the area, she said.

The Canadian base in Kandahar has cenotaphs dedicated to soldiers killed in action. It was a powerful experience witnessing a Remembrance Day ceremony on base, she said, surrounded by thousands of soldiers paying respect to the fallen in front of the cenotaphs.

Stock still has emotional moments talking about Stephan, she said, and the family celebrates his birthday and uses holidays like Christmas to enjoy fond memories of him.

“We still miss him but we talk about him— But, it’s focused on the happy times,” Stock said.

Remembrance Day is the hardest holiday for the family, she said, because it focuses on the loss of life.

“Remembrance Day for me and our family is the hardest day because the focus is on remembering that he is dead and what he’s done,” Stock said. “It’s a day to remember our fallen and to remember Stephan our son. I think it’s important that people remember— They’re gone but not forgotten.”

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