Being invited to speak at someone’s wedding is definitely a big honour, but writing that perfect speech can also be a bit of a challenge. Whether you are the mother of the bride, the best man or the emcee, the duty of delivering a toast may seem a bit daunting.
Chris Marsh-Williams is the VP of education for the Valley Echo Toastmasters in Cochrane.
She said meetings are every Monday from 7 to 8:30 p.m. at the Provincial Building and deal with preparing a speech, speaking ‘off the cuff’, running business meetings and events and how to be a confident communicator.
“It is not just getting up there and speaking. There is a lot to it,” said Marsh-Williams, who offered some tips on how to write and deliver a successful wedding toast.
When it comes to wedding speeches, Marsh-Williams can easily recall a particularly bad one she herself experienced at a wedding.
“Within five minutes, that person had insulted his sister, his son and the groom’s aunt. You don’t want to do that,” she said.
She advised to keep inside family jokes inside the family. It is OK to use humour, but Marsh-Williams said to make sure it is appropriate and respectful.
“I think that is the biggest thing, is respect your audience and the person that you are at the wedding for,” she said.
And as part of that respect, Marsh-Williams advised to stay away from the booze until after the toast, allowing the speaker to deliver the speech as clear-headed as they can.
“Dutch courage does not work,” she said.
She also said to stay away from milk before speaking, as it can coat the throat and affect speaking ability.
The longer you have to prepare your speeches, the better according to Marsh-Williams.
“The speeches I’ve given at weddings I’ve usually had three to six months to prepare. I started writing my thoughts together and practising and preparing it. It doesn’t matter if you have notes. It matters how familiar you are with the subject,” she said.
And having notes is something Marsh-Williams said can be very helpful – adding that at the very least it adds confidence knowing that they are there if you need them.
Marsh-Williams said that practise makes perfect for a speech because ‘what looks good on paper doesn’t come across very well sometimes when you’re speaking.’
“A phrase like ‘Irish wrist watch’ may look fine when you’re writing it, but when you say that, it’s a real tongue twister. If you’re nervous anyway, you’re going to bungle it.”
There are a number of ways to start the speech, according to Marsh-Williams, such as a joke or a quote. But one of her favourite ways to start off is with a story.
“You want to be able to engage your audience. I love to tell a story. If you tell a story you generally get people hooked in,” she said. “It is a great venue because it is a great way to bring people together.”
Marsh-Williams said that one of the most important thing when writing the speech it to ‘be yourself and have fun with it.’
It may be hard to find that perfect balance between too long or short for your toast, but Marsh-Williams said a good length is around five to seven minutes.
She said if you go on for 20 minutes you will lose your audience, and to have a short speech is ‘rather insulting to the person you are giving the speech to.’
A lot of it also has to do with how well fed the audience is, said Marsh-Williams.
“You want to still keep the audience involved and engaged, and if you go on too long, you’ve lost them. It doesn’t matter how good of a speaker you are,” she said.
Once you have done all of your prep, notes and timing – it is time to deliver.
Marsh-Williams said keeping a good pace is important and to make sure that you don’t rush through it. This is why storytelling can help, she said, because it helps you with pace and to calm down a bit.
Tone should also be a consideration. Marsh-Williams said you can have the best speech in the world, but if you deliver it in a monotone voice you will not engage your audience.
Her final tip is to eat a bit of liquorish before speaking because it ‘clears your vocal chords and voice box.’
