An important thing to know about children is that they remember every damn thing you say.
If you ever want to know how you appear to others, just ask a kid. Those little trolls absorb everything you do: mannerisms, habits and inflections in the tone of your voice. Being childless, and having spent a limited amount of time around children, I find the sponge-like quality of kids both hilarious and terrifying.
Still, this has always been my favourite part of spending time with my friends and family, and their families. A three-year-old walking around doing a deadpan impression of his father, my faux-niece clomping through the house in high heels — it slays me.
It is said that imitation is the highest form of flattery.
But these impressions are less than flattering. It’s like watching a comedy roast — but instead of being peppered with foul language (sometimes, anyway) it’s dripping with love.
I mean, it’s hilarious watching a toddler walking around, one hand down his pants, demanding a beer. Or watching a young girl dramatically rattle off the inappropriate expressions of her mother. All in stand-up comedy fashion. They just needed a mic and spotlight. Maybe I’d heckle a bit from the sidelines.
Note: Sometimes I can be a jerk.
But I’ve always been left off the cast list for these comedy bits. Because I’m so fantastic, I naturally assumed. Also, as I have no spawn of my own, it would be rude for the children to include me in the action. After all, I’m not family.
Nope. Turns out, those little fellas are just waiting for an opportunity to reflect your own weirdness right back at you. In my case, the chance was offered to them by their father. He can also be a jerk.
In the children’s defense, they were apprehensive. But I assured them I was game. I mean, what were they going to do, show me how cool I am?
The kids didn’t even bat an eyelid. One twirled a pretend lock of hair.
The other gestured wildly. They tilted their heads when they were talking. They complained.
They spoke softly and then laughed obnoxiously loud.
And then, silence.
